Forgiveness

To err is human; to forgive, divine.
-Alexander Pope

There are times when the pain of disappointment or betrayal is so deep, forgiveness seems impossible.  But the effects of holding on to anger and intense feelings of hurt may be more far-reaching than you realize. Research continues to demonstrate the very powerful connection that exists between the mind and  body, and the relationship between our emotional well-being and physical health.  Holding a grudge and hanging on to anger - no matter how justified you may believe you are, hurts is actually harming you!   Medical science has proven  the correlation between a continual stress response in the body affecting everything from your  heart rate and blood pressure,  to having a negative impact on your immune system.

So how can you learn to let go of anger and disappointment and truly forgive?

1.  Recognize we are all imperfect.

There is only one perfect being - and if you are not God, then you aren't perfect either.  We all make mistakes.  We all have times we would like to be able to take back something we've said or done. Remind yourself that we are all works in progress. 

2.  Learn to forgive yourself. 

Not only is it hard to forgive others, but it can be even harder to learn to forgive oneself.  The anger you are holding on to may in part be directed to another, but there may also be an element of disappointment in yourself surrounding the incident. So just as you must find ways to let go of the anger you have for others,  you must extend the same compassion to yourself. You too are deserving of forgiveness.

3.  The power to choose is yours.

We may not be able to control other's actions, or even some of the circumstance in our own lives, but we do have the power to choose how we react. It is human nature to get mad when someone hurts us, to have feelings of fear and anxiety about the unknown.  But if you are willing to keep your focus on the present moment, not on what was or what may be - but simply on what is happening right in this moment, it becomes easier to disconnect from yesterday's pain, or the fear associated with tomorrow.  It isn't easy to let go and to align with the positive energies of love, peace, and faith.  But it can be done.  I have always had high expectations for myself, and always expected the same from others. Which as you would expect, often leads to hurt and disappointment. By becoming an observer in my own life, by working at breaking the patterns that keep me stuck in cycles of anger and disappointment, I have become a more loving, empathetic person - to others, and myself.

I have come to understant that forgiveness does not mean acceptance, forgetting or excusing.  It means acknowledging a wrong and letting it go...it means you are no longer willing to pay the price for someone else's actions.

Techniques For Letting Go of Negative Emotions:

1. Write a letter to the person(s) layoing out your feelings about the situation.  Be honest, but also try to view it from their perspective,too. The important thing is release your feelings, so it is not necessary to mail the letter.  Actually tearing it up may prove to be even more empowering. As you tear it, imagine all of the negative emotions surrrounding this incident being dissolved. 

2.  Another option is mental role-play.  Imagine the person/people involved and tell them exactly how you are feeling.  When you are finished it is important to also tell them that you are forgiving them. Remember you are not just doing this for them, but for yourself. Being aligned with negative energy is now what you are choosing for your life. 

Breathing Exercise

1. Sit quietly, bring up the memory, rate your feelings about the incidence show you will be able to measure your progress. ((1=Mildly hurt, 5=Extremely hurt)

2. Say out loud or to yourself: I am choosing to forgive _____ for _____ because I realize that by holding on to this (anger, disappointment, hurt, etc) I am hurting myself.  I do not deserve to hurt any longer. I can't control the actions of anyone but myself...and therefore I am making the choice to release all anger and hurt that exists within me.

4.  Sit quiety as you do deep, slow breathing.  With each breath in visualize the hurt, the anger, the sense of betrayal being gathered up from within your body...as you breathe out, feel all of these emotions being released.  Do this until you are feeling relaxed and calm.  Should the feelings resurface, take a moment to take a moment to consciously release the emotion through your breath, then breathing in feelings of peace and love.

Always look for the lessons...what the experience has taught you - about others, and yourself. You are a divine being, and the capacity for love and forgiveness is within you.  

“The unforgiving mind is in despair, without the prospect of a future which can offer anything but more despair. 
Yet it regards its judgement of the world as irreversible, and does not see it has condemned itself to this despair. 
It thinks it cannot change, for what it sees bears witness that its judgement is correct. 
It does not ask, because it thinks it knows.  It does not question, certain it is right.”
 
From A Course in Miracles (ANON 1996) – Lesson 121